Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The De-Aaronization of "Gossip Girl"

There were a lot of significant things about last night's "Gossip Girl" episode: Dan's discovery that he has a love child sibling; Jenny's transformation from raccoon-eyed, she-mulleted home-schooled nightmare back to a normal girl; the downward spiral of one Chuck Bass, etc.
But the most notable thing about the ep was what wasn't in it: Aaron. Yes, this week when Serena returned from Argentina, she was without her pale-skinned, stubbly, judgmental, serially dating artist boyfriend.
Apparently, she dumped him three hours into the 15-hour flight from New York. Yikes. Must have been one awkward trip. Not that we blame her. Aaron was maybe the least good-looking, least-interesting character the series has ever introduced -- and this is a show that has Dan Humphrey as a character.
Even more annoying, despite his total lack of positive qualities, Aaron was a total chick magnet (this is at least believable -- every girl knows at least one really gross guy that she was, at one time, deeply attracted to. And he wouldn't give her the time of day because, incredibly, he was swimming in women. It's one of the many dirty little secrets of being female).
Anyway, the prospect of spending not just a long flight but an entire Christmas vacation with Aaron must have brought the usually dim Serena to her senses. Good for you, honey. We're proud of you.
Or, at least, we were until you hooked up with Dan again. Will you two never learn?
Well, enough Serena and Dan nastiness. As always, the true star of the episode was Blair.
This week, our bitchy little sweetheart was busy trying to impress the Colony Club, a group of snotty women who apparently hold the key to the higher echelons of New York society -- in between looking for her beloved Chuck who, as the episode opened, was in some sort of Thai opium den.
I'm sorry, but where does Chuck find these places? Is there a "Let's Go Hedonism" guidebook we should be aware of that has listings for every opium den, massage parlor and house of ill repute the world over?
Anyway, Blair finds Chuck, with the help of Chuck's heretofore never mentioned uncle Jack. Really? It's only the second season and already the show is playing the "relative out of nowhere" card?
Jack brings Chuck back to New York, but the little Bass-tard is still a mess, being mean to Blair and lighting up a joint in the school hallway. He's busted by the headmistress and, when Blair stands up for him at a disciplinary meeting, he cuts her off at the knees by sparking yet another doobie. I guess I understand. I mean, Chuck just inherited a fortune. He doesn't exactly need to go high school, does he?
Chuck runs off and Blair gets upset, which she expresses by weeping to Serena. As a side note, I've decided that Leighton Meester is the prettiest crier on TV. Those big eyes sparkle when filled with tears, her skin glows and her lips get even redder. Sigh. Nobody looks like that when they cry in real life.
I digress. Blair goes looking for Chuck and finds him at the Victrola, which he just bought back. He's planning a night of debauchery at the club and Blair must stop him except...gasp! The Colony Club ladies! Blair dresses up and prepares to get her society matron on. Serena stops by to judge Blair for hanging with the upper-crusters instead of helping Chuck.
I'm sorry, but where does Serena get off judging Blair? Blair has been trying to help Chuck all episode and Serena hasn't done one thing for him. You enjoy your tea party, Blair! You deserve it!
But, as it turns out, the Colony Club ladies are just an older version of high school mean girls (they even wear headbands) and say mean things about Serena, Lily and even Chuck.
Blair tells them off as a delighted Dorota looks on, and storms off to find Chuck. Chuck, meanwhile, is downward spiraling and ends up on the rooftop, drunkenly and druggedly walking the edge of the building. Yawn. Cliche.
Blair dashes up to the roof with sleazy Uncle Jack, and sweetly talks Chuck down and into her arms. Aw.
He goes home with Jack who, to Blair's dismay, is going to take care of Chuck. Please, Blair begs Jack. Don't tell him about New Year's Eve. WHAT??? Blair, honey, what did you do?
Well, judging from next week's promos, she apparently grabbed herself another piece of Bass. GAHHH!

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Mandy's Blog said...
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